Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I feel like a shitty mom AND a shitty student. I can't get him to go to sleep these days - I'm not patient enough. I'm so sleepy and so hungry and so anxious about school and I can't calm down enough to get him to groove off of me. All I have to offer is the boob, and if that doesn't knock him out I don't know what to do.

Thank god Robert can get him to sleep, but that makes me feel even shittier. Moms are supposed to be able to do that too, for chrissakes.

At least once we get him to sleep he's still sleeping at night (and I probably just jinxed that too.) But he only got up once between 6:30 pm and 4:30 am last night. Of course, I had to get up at 5:00 to plan my class, and I stayed up till almost midnight studying, so it didn't do me much good - but at least I know he's still getting the sleep he needs at night.

And I didn't finish the reading for yesterday OR today, and I felt so stupid in class, I barely understood anything that I HAD read, and everybody else is smarter than me now - and I feel like my head is stuffed with pudding (and that's another thing, I'm supposed to make some goddamn pudding tonight for my father in law's birthday) and I have a presentation to do next week AND a paper to turn in and I can barely get the daily work done.

And also, I'm starving. Fuck.


Blogger merida-meli said...

Please go BUY some pre-made pudding (is that too shocking!) or tell someone else to make it. Can someone make some pudding for her? (I would but I'm in mexico) You have tot and school to worry about and that is quite enough!

I realize you probably WANT to make the pudding, but since no one else can boob/read for you, someone else should make the stupid pudding.

BTW did you finish considering some outside help a couple of hours a couple of days a week?

As for the lesson-planning, can I help with that? Lemme know...


4:27 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you that it would not make you a horrible mother if you put him in bed and let him cry himself to sleep, having first ascertained that all his needs were taken care of. I successfully raised 3 sons, and by the second one realized that if I wasn't going to go insane I simply had to get some order in my household, including the babies having a bedtime. Babies want mommy to set boundaries, and once you do it and harden your heart, it takes THREE DAYS! But you can't weaken and go in to check, because every behaviorist knows that intermittent reinforcement is the strongest reinforcement of all. Trust me and try it, your life will get so much better and you will be a better mother, too. Of course, he may still wake up once in the night to feed, that's normal for a breast fed baby.

6:21 PM  

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