Part of a phone conversation between my husband and I at 4:30 am today:

Me: I hate how the pillows always fall down between the bed and the wall. This bed is stupid. The pillows are stupid.
Him: What do you want me to do about it? I’m 45 miles away right now.
Me: We could build a trap.
Him: You mean like a pillow delivery system? Every time you lose one it spits a new one out of a slot?
Me: More like those ball-return things at the bowling alley.